Letter from the Field: Deep Attention Reveals Nothing!
Hello!!
I had a full blown awakening yesterday (actually, I thought I had “it” Saturday, then yesterday another one happened even more powerful). Both experiences happened while listening to your Deep Attention Practice: Experiential Heart Sutra.
Saturday, which was the “first” event, I think my body was doing things, but I really don’t know because I was doing my best to NOT acknowledge my body because anytime I did that in the past, the experience would pass. So the only thing I really remember about Saturday was I finally understood what self-realization meant (or so I think). At the time, a powerful realizing: “Wow – I am nothing!” Then you and Mooji were there. You were jumping up and down, laughing and smiling, saying, “You did it! You made it!” or something to that effect. The power hit me and I cried and laughed and I think I may have fallen on the floor, I don’t remember. I remember also believing you and I were the same, or that you were inside me or something like that. My first instinct was to contact you and say, “I feel like we should meet, since we ARE each other!” lol.
Yesterday’s “awakening” was slightly different…My heart felt like it exploded and I felt love and peace and, of all people, Mother Theresa was there. She appeared and disappeared. The emotions felt during any of my spiritual experiences are, well, words cannot describe them. Powerful x infinity? lol. Yesterday’s was incredible and I had what felt like a whole-body orgasm for I don’t know how long, maybe an hour? Maybe less. At times, I had to lay down because it was so strong. I laughed a lot. I cried a lot, in gratitude. Everything felt so good!!! I have never experienced “bliss” before – this is how I would describe it. BLISS!!!! I remember thinking the whole point of my life was to just be. Not to necessarily DO anything, but just be.
I had a number of powerful experiences that came and went yesterday…I had the oneness feeling with a white towel. Everything is a reflection of me. Basically, all the things I have heard on repeat for the last 7 months came to fruition and I understood EVERYTHING you and Mooji had been saying. However, today I can hardly remember what those things were. It’s almost like I reverted back to not knowing. I had been listening to Mooji for a few months, and listening to you for a few weeks. Years ago, I listened to Wayne Dyer.
Anywho…I’ve been searching for 20 years, but it’s been an on again, off again relationship. I had a deep depression last year–my reality collapsed when Donald Trump was elected (Thank you, Donald Trump–you spurred my awakening! Ha.) I picked up my spiritual seeking around April of this year and I’ve been listening to HOURS upon HOURS of nondual teachings, I started meditating daily, and I also picked up yoga, which I discovered I love!! Anyway, this awakening is to new to me, can you help with clearing up?
Thanks so much,
Lacy
October 17, 2017 @ 9:56 pm
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Lacy. I found it inspiring on many levels. First, thank you for having this experience for me! In the past, hearing of such experiences made me want to have the same, or think that I should have the same to be fully awake. But now I realize that I don’t need this experience because you had it for both (really all) of us! Moreover, as this particular Kathleen unit is getting a little old and feeble, it might not be able to withstand such an energy blast all that well. At least I trust that if such intensity is meant to be a part of my awakening, it will arise, but if not, then I can still thoroughly enjoy having it vicariously through others such as you.
And while this might seem a minor part of the fireworks, your insight that you are here to be and not to do resonated deeply with me.
So I, too, find myself unexpectedly thankful to Donald Trump, along with you and Fred.
?Kathleen
October 25, 2017 @ 12:36 pm
Hello Kathleen! I was/am happy to have that experience for the both (and all) of us! Unfortunately, I’m back to being quite cloudy…so if you could be so kind as to share some of your uncloudiness with me, that would be great 😉 It’s rather comical, this process. A gradual unfolding of awakeness is much kinder in some ways than the experience of “fireworks.” Much love to you and your unfolding 🙂
October 25, 2017 @ 4:17 pm
Hi Lacy,
Any cloudiness is the cloudiness of the character. You are as clear as you were before, but it’s a different experience now. The fireworks are over, but Reality is still here, and that’s just as weird as any seeming supernatural phenomena. Now you’re in the extraordinary ordinary experience.
You obviously gained a lot of insight from the fireworks, and now that you’re settled again, it will take time to process it all. Don’t think of yourself as cloudy, but rather as having the filters of the full glory of reality back in place so that the Lacy unit doesn’t remain overwhelmed.
“Sudden enlightenment, then gradual cultivation,” is a classic path of unfolding recognized in the Buddhist tradition, and is also in fact what Fred teaches. So you’re right on track. Accept where you are and notice all the little ordinary miracles, and you’ll see that you are still as bright as you ever were.
<3 Kathleen