PRIME POST: To Welcome Life and Death
It’s easy for us to get sidetracked on the spiritual path. It’s easy to have our search co-opted by ego and redirected toward dream-life improvements while justifying that it’s all part of an authentic spiritual path. Well, baloney—it’s not. I’m sorry, but there it is.
By the same token, the presence of relative preferences is not anathema to spiritual aspirations. We can hold both, we just don’t want to get the two of them confused. This is not a stone-throwing contest about the shallow people out there as opposed to the deep one here. Here’s my dark secret: I care about the Fred story. I care what happens in Fredness’ life.
Granted, I’m not married to my preferences, but they nonetheless exist. I have lived as a park bum, as a street alcoholic. Take it from me, a good story is generally more fun than a bad one. It’s more pleasant to have Betsy, Willy, and Dickens happy and healthy than not. Having been dead broke and in dire straights many, many times, I can say with authority that it’s more fun to have money than to not have money.
When I lived as a street alcoholic, I was doing my job: I was a really splendid Bad Example. My job was very painful, but by God I was still made to be useful.
My job now is to first help people wake up, and then help them clear until living as Conscious Awakeness becomes the default position. Even then I often act as an ongoing confidant, guide, and wise friend. It’s a hell of a lot less painful than being a park drunk, let me tell you. It’s a more fun story. It’s better paid. I don’t know that this job is more important than being a truly excellent Bad Example, but it’s a whole lot easier on the unit.
Ultimately what I want is what happens. To want anything else would be insane. But I’ll be honest and tell you that sometimes I have to stretch a bit to find out why I like What Is. I worked with an absolutely splendid client today who happens to have breast cancer. I helped her wake up prior to her surgery, and the “magic” held through her surgery and the early results of it, which were not perfect, but good. In the past ten days they have become less good, and it turns out that chemo is also in order.
Today I helped her see that from at least one angle, breast cancer is showing up as a good thing. I explained, “This illness has been severe enough that it’s made you positively eager to tell yourself the truth. At the end of the day, this thing that we’re doing together is the only thing that really matters. I’m not discounting relativity–it’s great! Your husband counts, your children count, how you treat others, the decisions you make, all of that counts.
“But when it’s all said and done, this is the only thing that really matters. If the cancer has brought you to awareness of your True Nature, even if that unit dies, it’s a clear win.” And that’s the truth. Mind you, the dream counts. I care about it–my God, how can you NOT care about it? It’s fantastic!–absolutely the best show in town–ever! But it’s not what ultimately matters. Living as Truth–for a lifetime, or for our last day–is what matters.
My hitting the skids was what it took for Nature to bring my undivided attention to the fact that this unit had a fatal drinking problem. I began to tell myself the truth. I confess that coughing out the truth of my condition came in fits and starts that stretched another 18 months before I got sober for what I hope was the last time. My denial was embedded very deeply, and it did not give up quickly. I see this with clients all the time.
This breast cancer is my friend’s “rock bottom”–that mystical position we hear so much about. When we began to talk today she was cloudy, but I had her back in brightness after ten minutes of Attention Practice. (Score yet another one for that often-miraculous practice.) Clearly, she didn’t want to live a lie any longer, but the story can be so sticky, and with the huge drama happening in that unit’s life, only a very determined woman can hope to stay clear. I’m betting on J. doing just that.
We all have our own versions of “rock bottom.” We all have our gutters or our breast cancers. Many times we step over them so that we don’t have to face them. I was working with an active separation addict the other day–a guy who was in an apparently bad situation. I told him, “Life is showing you that your current way of thinking and living is not working anymore. It’s trying to get your attention so that you’ll direct it toward the truth. And it’ll keep on having you suffer until you notice that this mode of living is, in fact, unlivable.
“Life will keep taking you further and further down. Every bottom’s got a trap door, trust me on this. Do you know how to tell when you’re at rock bottom? When you put the shovel down, you’ll know you’re there. Otherwise it’s endless, and right now you’ve still got the shovel in your hand.”
Suffering is not our enemy. It’s actually our friend, because it’s the alarm clock in the dream. If you’re suffering over how you’re living, or how you’re dying, then you’re confused. And let’s face it, we have to live this life precisely as it shows up until we don’t. There’s no “opt out” clause. We can’t even commit suicide unless the entire universe agrees that that’s the thing to do. Suffering is the thing that helps us come to, and remain as, Conscious Awakeness. It’s hard to ask for more than that.
Death is not our enemy either. In fact, if we have any truer friend than suffering, it’s death. For one thing, it’s so wonderfully reliable. It’s always going to be there for us; there’s no way for us to miss it. When the play is over, it’s going to walk us home in absolute safety. It’s going to release us from the slings and arrows of the world and from further indignities to the body and mind.
More good news: we all live precisely as long as we’re supposed to. We can’t die early, and we can’t be late. We don’t even have to get it right! However we go is perfect. Whenever we go is perfect. If we want to go ahead and relax, heck Death will take care of the whole thing for us. Like everything else in the dream, it’s being done for us, not to us. It’s already handled.
Beautiful.
This teaching is not about hiding from life, it’s about opening to life–of which death is an integral part. Death is simply the other end of the birth stick. You can’t have one without the other–thank goodness for death! Without it there could not have been a life. There was nothing personal in that unit’s being born, and there’s nothing personal about its dying. When it lives, it’s doing its job. When it dies, it’s doing its job. Bully for the unit!
This teaching is not about transcending relativity or about pole vaulting us out of uncomfortable situations. It’s about not only coming to know our True Nature, but about coming to live as our True Nature, regardless of conditions. If our contentment is based on specific conditions, then our contentment is unstable and fleeting, a hostage to what we think we want–which is never quite this This.
This teaching is about seeing this present arising as it really is and being able to accept and at least mostly embrace it, even when that arising contains the death of someone we love or of someone we once thought we were. Relax. Everything is always okay. This very arising–this This–is our teacher. This arising is our kind guru. This arising is our Self.
Know yourself and you can live and die fearlessly, in absolute freedom.
.
Fred Davis
August 7, 2014
August 7, 2014 @ 5:11 am
You are ridiculously enjoyable to read and to listen too!
Your incessant sensibility where the rubber meets the road at the pivot point is always timely and helpful.
It is unfolding for me and your reminders are often just what I need to move back to Conscious Awakeness. It is exactly as you describe and the it takes some getting use to.
I turn 60 this month, have a 7 year old son, a 7 month old puppy and my wonderful wife – and bills – and I am getting use to the world simply happening – I’m not in my way anymore – I have no shovels. (Some here and there – but they dissolve almost as fast as they appear and nothing resembles life and death imaginings anymore)
Thank you once again for this wonderful letter showing up in my box this evening!
August 7, 2014 @ 5:18 am
Hey, David! Thank you so much for this! It was worth working late for!
In joy, mostly,
Fredness
August 7, 2014 @ 5:24 am
“This THIS is our teacher.” Thanks for the timely reminder of the right perspective. Great post.
August 7, 2014 @ 5:34 am
Thank you so much, Robbin! I so much appreciate your unflagging encouragement. 🙂
In joy, mostly, 🙂
Fred
August 7, 2014 @ 10:33 am
Dearest Fred-ness,
This was definitely worth staying up late to write. Thank you, once again, for your authenticity, transparency, and clarity.
“How do I heal this cancer?” is certainly the go-to question most of us would ask if given a diagnosis of cancer. However, the more effective question is, “How is this cancer healing ME?
In the case of your client, it was a catalyst for awakening to her true nature. What a gift that cancer was! And, maybe the ability to recognize and receive the gift facilitates the healing of the illness . . . or not. The good news is that once you awaken to your true nature, it doesn’t so much matter whether the illness takes your body, because by then you know that a body is something you have and not something you are.
Given that experience doesn’t happen TO us, but THROUGH us, we have to be in alignment with what we’re experiencing before we can experience it. There are no victims. We are powerful co-creators who can choose to pretend we’re victims . . . and even believe it for a while . . . but there are no victims.
When I was raped with a shotgun to my head at age 24, I was in alignment with the experience. How do I know? I was there. I showed up for it. I’m the one who experienced it. And, while I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone, I wouldn’t trade the lessons I learned for all the tea in China. Wait a minute. All the tea in China? Wouldn’t that translate into massive financial wealth? lol
Einstein said something to the effect that the most important question we can ask is whether this is a friendly universe. I’ve answered that question: I am living in a benevolent universe where everything that happens IS for the highest good . . . whether I see it or not.
In my book, Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead, I asked Jerry what happens to suicide bombers when they die. His answer made me laugh. But, after asking that question, I got down to a deeper one: if a suicide bomber believes his actions are for the good of all, but they’re really not, what then?
Jerry answers, “Everything that’s done IS for the good of all because everyone involved has agreed to play their part and is fulfilling their agreement.”
So, as Fred-ness, you had an agreement to play the part of a man challenged by alcohol who eventually awakens to his true nature. I LOVE that story line!
I had an agreement to become aware of my loving nature by being born into a family in which I would grow up believing I was unlovable, inadequate and unworthy. Go figure.
I am deeply grateful (mostly) for the opportunity to BE.
What a Divine Choreography.
Thank YOU, Fred-ness . . . for BEING.
Irene Kendig
August 7, 2014 @ 1:48 pm
Thank you, Irene. As ever, it’s good to hear from you. I was raped when I was 16–I get it.
In joy,
Fred
August 8, 2014 @ 4:44 am
Fantastic article, Fred, and Irene, your contribution is equally appreciated.
August 9, 2014 @ 5:03 am
Thank you, Joan!
August 7, 2014 @ 11:03 am
Hi Readers & Fred,
This is for readers who want this definition without searching for it. I had to look it up. I love $30.oo words. Don’t you? Great Post!
Love,
arlenez
anath·e·ma noun \ə-ˈna-thə-mə\
: someone or something that is very strongly disliked
Full Definition of ANATHEMA
1
a : one that is cursed by ecclesiastical authority
b : someone or something intensely disliked or loathed —usually used as a predicate nominative
2
a : a ban or curse solemnly pronounced by ecclesiastical authority and accompanied by excommunication
b : the denunciation of something as accursed
c : a vigorous denunciation : curse
See anathema defined for English-language learners »
See anathema defined for kids »
Examples of ANATHEMA
a politician who is anathema to conservatives
ideas that are an anathema to me
Maugham was not only prolific but also a best-seller, though snobs dismissed his work as middlebrow (a category that few people worry about in our day but that once was anathema). —Edmund White, New York Review of Books, 12 Feb. 2009
[+]more
Origin of ANATHEMA
August 7, 2014 @ 1:44 pm
Thanks, Arlene! LOL!!!
Love,
fred
August 7, 2014 @ 11:57 am
Thank you, Fred,
Another beauty!…and one close to my heart after several years working in palliative care and hospice.
There is such peace when we finally, and wholeheartedly, embrace “what is.” “This This.”
You are master of plain and simple.
We love it!… and you!
Thanks again,
Joe
August 7, 2014 @ 1:43 pm
Hey, Joe! It’s great to hear from you. Thank so much for your ongoing support.
All love,
Fred
August 7, 2014 @ 12:03 pm
Fred, this is beautiful! Thank you.
August 7, 2014 @ 1:42 pm
Thank you so much, Carolyn! Once in a while even a blind squirrel can find a nut. 🙂
In joy,
Fred
August 7, 2014 @ 2:19 pm
Pasted your post on Facebook. Lots of people need to read this. How about submitting it to Evolutionary_Mystic Post
Love,
arlene
August 7, 2014 @ 2:27 pm
Thanks, Arlene. I’ll take a look at that. 🙂
August 7, 2014 @ 2:48 pm
Fred, I love all your stuff. I was Awake & in the process of clearing when I found you but your videos & posts keep me on `track`. This one is no exception. Having had one `death` experience at 13 I have never been one of those people who avoids the subject or denies it`s existence. But having also been `Awakened` at that time & then in forgetfulness very soon after & for the next 40 years, I also know the value of “rock bottom” as a wake up call. And I`ve had plenty of those that were just swept under the rug never to see the light of day again (so I THOUGHT! Lol) This unit of Cherylness is being Unconditionally Loved by Isness. because what`s not to Love?? And that includes all the under the rug stuff. But holy cow I never imagined that stuff would be actual TREASURE!! Maybe that`s why I buried it in the first place…
August 7, 2014 @ 4:34 pm
Thank you, Cheryl! I especially love the last two lines of your comment!
In joy,
Fred
August 7, 2014 @ 8:31 pm
Thank you for this post. I am doing all I can to reach a point of acceptance. I don’t want to live or die as a “hungry ghost.” The big issue I face right now has caused me to let go of all the little issues that used to concern me. This suggests to me that the “big” issue is probably just as easy to let go of, but I cling to it. And as a result, the suffering is intense and relentless. Someday, I know I will let it go. I wish that could be today.
August 7, 2014 @ 8:48 pm
Hello, Kathleen! Great to hear from you. We’ll be talking next week, but here’s some homework. 🙂
In this short comment, you used the word “I” seven times. Now, there’s certainly nothing wrong with using “I”–I use it! But I wonder, who is the “I” of which you are are speaking? Check to see if you can find that I. No need to belabor it, just check. If what you find is nothing, rather than brush past it, go ahead and fall into that nothing. Simply rest and let the nothing take you. Sometime later, you might want to check again.
It’s not that we actually expect to find an “I”. We don’t, and we won’t. Fall into that nothing again and again. That “no-thing” is Truth itself, and it’s exposure to clarity that clears us. I just heard through the grapevine that you’re doing great, which makes me smile from big ear to big ear.
All love,
Fred
When you say, “I wish it could be today,” can you trace that back and find an owner to that thought? The reason that I ask is that the only thing keeping your from letting go today is the thought, “I will let go, but not today.”
August 10, 2014 @ 1:26 am
Wow, thanks, Fred. Your reflections, as always, are very helpful. I will practice finding the “I.” And maybe I can let go of the thought that I can’t let go of the thought. I really am looking forward to our session next week. :)K
August 10, 2014 @ 3:11 am
Me too! 🙂
August 26, 2014 @ 6:57 pm
Great post Fred, as usual! 🙂
August 26, 2014 @ 6:58 pm
Thanks, Alfred!!