A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: (Short) Book Excerpt by Trey Carland:

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

My life changed forever on November 7, 2004 when I had a grand mal seizure, totally out of the blue. For about a year prior to that I had been having what I affectionately called “revelation spells.” These were brief moments that lasted about a minute or two where I felt like I was having some sort of divine revelation and everything suddenly made perfect sense. It was accompanied with a sense of euphoria and the loss of control over the thoughts that crossed my mind. It was as if my mind had a mind of its own and would wander off for a minute while I just watched.

I assumed that these uncontrolled thoughts were what led to the euphoric revelations, but I could never remember what my mind had thought of after the fact. While it was happening I could observe the thoughts and almost examine them, but I would quickly forget as they faded. All I could tell was that the thoughts seemed to be fairly mundane and random, but still seemed to contain an element of significance assuming they were indeed bringing about this feeling of revelation. It was a bit frustrating from that respect, but a pleasant feeling none the less. I was later told by a Neurologist that these were complex partial seizures.

After my first grand mal seizure, it was given a name – Epilepsy. This is a term given to anyone who has had more than one seizure, so it was not a diagnosis that helped answer any questions. In fact, none of the tests I had done answered my burning question of, “Why?” The only thing we were able to learn was that the seizures were originating from my left temporal lobe. There is surprisingly little known about epilepsy. In fact, about 70% of the cases have no known cause, which was frustrating but very compelling.

Those first few weeks were not very fun. Once the first grand mal hit, it opened the door for more to follow. I had to be put on medication fairly quickly in order to control the seizures, a fact to which I was quite resistant. I did not want to be dependent on a mind altering pharmaceutical for the rest of my life. I tried to wean myself off of what they put me on and had some more grand mal seizures. Since these are quite unpleasant, I reluctantly chose a drug with the least amount of side effects and stuck to it.

My wife and I began doing a great deal of research on the subject of epilepsy and came up with several possibilities from aspartame to mercury, none of which became the clear cause. As my frustration progressed and I adapted to the medication, I began seeking out alternatives. I began seeing an MD who was also an Oriental Medicine Doctor and started taking several herbal supplements and changing my diet. I also began seeing a counselor as a result of my moodiness (a possible side effect of my medication). I was very fortunate that my wife referred me to a counselor who helped me open my horizons of self awareness and turned me on to new ways of seeing things.

In reading about famous people in history with epilepsy, I began looking for commonalities. I heard about a possible link between epilepsy and shamans which compelled me to do some digging. The only thing I found at first was mention of some spiritual figures in history having epilepsy. So I began researching areas of religion and spirituality that I had not previously explored. I read an old comparative religion textbook I found in a box, which was interesting, but I found myself wanting to know more.

I saw a meditation class being offered at the Lotus Lodge and had a desire to attend, partly due to the Lotus Lodge being right near my home and partly because my curiosity had been piqued by what I had read about Buddhism. Meditation was a new and different experience that involved letting go of inhibitions and thoughts, while focusing on the breath. I experienced a “warm and tingly” feeling that left me wanting to know more.

I then became more eager to learn more about this area of the mind. I began reading books and web sites on quantum physics and spiritual and psychological aspects of life, each one illuminating more about myself and the world around me. I felt this strange desire to learn more about things of a spiritual and metaphysical nature, which was really something I had no prior interest in whatsoever. I was a little comforted and fascinated by this seemingly odd compulsion when I read a study linking the left temporal lobe of the brain to thoughts of a spiritual nature. It was dubbed the “God Spot” in the article, which studied meditating monks and praying nuns. So I figured there was at least a scientific explanation even if no one knew much else.

During this time of exploration, my wife and I began taking a shamanic dreaming class and enjoyed it greatly. One of our first homework assignments involved dreaming for someone else in the class who had a question they wanted answered. The results were stunning. Each of us actually had relevant information about the answer to a total stranger’s burning question. Magically, this was at the same time I was reading David Hawkins’ book. Power vs. Force (which my counselor recommended) which explained how we are all a part of a universal consciousness that we can tap into with kinesiology. I got to read about it and experience it first hand, thereby changing the way I viewed the world. It was then that I realized that I was given the gift of a life altering diagnosis in order for me to discover all that I was missing. These readings and experiences had changed my course from finding the cause and cure for my seizures to a search for enlightenment.

As for the seizures themselves, I have been reluctant to part with them. In fact, rather than continuing to up my medication until the seizures went away, which is what my doctors have been suggesting for the last year, I got them regulated so that I was no longer having grand mal seizures but continued to have “partials” about once a month or so. I felt like this was the only way to measure the impact of the alternative treatments I was trying. After all, how can you tell if you’ve gotten rid of them naturally if you get rid of them artificially?

However, the partial seizures have changed a bit since the pre-diagnosis days. I now experience an aura of anxiety as they set in rather than euphoria. I think this may be due to the fear that it might be a “big one,” but I think there is something to learn from the experience itself. If I were able to experience the partials on a regular basis, without the concern of a grand mal, it would give me the opportunity to delve into them and possibly retain information on the seemingly random thoughts that occur. These strange “dreams” might hold some key to higher levels of awareness.

In the meantime, I am trying to lead a healthier life and practice mindfulness in everything I do. I have also been doing some non-dominant hand writing and drawing in an attempt to further explore portions of my brain I haven’t used since I was young. I have also rekindled my desire to do what I can to make this world a better place through nonpolitical means. In short, I feel one step closer to where I never realized I needed to be, and I owe it all to something I never wanted to have, but now can’t imagine being without.

More will be added to this post as soon as I receive the additional material from Trey.

LINKS

Trey’s website

A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace on Amazon

Asheville Sangha

(Trey is a co-founder.)