I just want to tell you that the first time I accidentally (yeah, right) fell upon one of your podcasts, I had the feeling of finding a heart friend, I actually had the feeling that that same person on the podcast was myself (before thoughts told me “NO WAY, you little shit!”). It was as if I found myself and I loved it. Not minding the thoughts, I kept on listening, and now, for a couple of weeks, most of my days go by listening to your podcasts. I can not get enough. Your last book is on its way to this unit from Amazon. Two days ago I watched the second session of the video course with my dear partner. I had myself a good laugh/cry when I looked out the window and found myself looking at myself. I don’t know if I’m awake, I just try to take it easy and light and at the same time go with the flow, do what I do. For some time now I find myself not knowing anything about anything, especially not about myself, and that’s really strange, because I’m so used to having control and knowing what’s necessary to do to be “a really, really good girl.” And then you show up, and tell me that that’s all right. Thank you for that. I’ll just allow myself not knowing what I want until I do.
I have been believing my thoughts in such a degree that this winter I stayed quite some time in a mental hospital and got myself the diagnosis paranoid schizophrenic. Last summer I had this experience, a sentence showing up: I do not exist. At that moment it was horrible, it was a psychological horror to me. I was at that moment, however, together with a true friend, who told me that what I had discovered was something that I would sooner or later find out, was a great truth, and that what comes with that is the knowledge that then I cannot fail. I couldn’t believe her (because I didn’t), just suffered some more. Three years ago I wrote a poem: “I want to be reborn as unborn.” I wrote a book three years ago, I called it Kataklysmeg (cataclysm me). On an album I made, I have a song called: Awake Me. Not at all being aware of the spiritual content of it. Have been calling out for Myself for some time, yes.
Looking forward to watching the rest of the precious clearing sessions on the video course! Love to know that you exist, and love to listen to your podcasts. Like coming home.
So much love,