Love to Love You by Julee Bergstrom

Some years ago I spent a year with a Buddhist sect in Johannesburg. I would meet with them once a week for meditation, and followed their directive to meditate twice daily for 30 minute sessions. The promise (the carrot!) was that after three months of following the sect’s directives, someone from the main group (from an Eastern country) would visit South Africa to bless us so that we could then pursue enlightenment. Boy, was I motivated!

The meditation process was so good for me. I could feel how something in me was becoming more and more peaceful – people were commenting on how relaxed I was. But in the main, nothing changed. It took me some months to figure that these folks could not deliver on their promise. No one was waking up. What else did I need to know? The whole thing was actually a lifestyle thing: seeking and dressing Buddhist and eating vegan food; and meditating a lot!

Meditation, at that point in time, was me literally just zoning out, taking a rest from the world. I had no idea what to look at or for. The rest was extremely helpful, but Seeing did not occur. It was just more of going sideways…seeking but not finding…going nowhere…chasing my tail.

Since then, I’ve felt that I should meditate, but just didn’t have any real compunction to do so. It wasn’t that helpful to me.

UNTIL NOW…

Christmas was full of stress and tension here at home. So I started joining Mooji’s morning meditation, as my constant current push is to seek God first and everything else will be given. Mooji uses the hour to direct the sanga to see Self more and more clearly. His pointings are clear and beautiful!

I had an absolutely gigantic breakthrough when I experienced the realization that I was still trying to understand IT, and saw that the mind could never, ever understand THIS. Fred’s voice was a clear bell in my head! The mind’s role is to be a receptor – not the knower. It is given all the understanding it needs, in the moment! For the rest – it can rest in not knowing.

My heart seemed to open as part of that seeing. A new depth of seeing has been revealed.

REVEALED!

I have become mad for God. Woe to any person who ever got in the way of this seeking person. But my madness for God seems to be so much bigger than my need to seek ever was. As the day starts, I bound out of bed, even if I didn’t sleep particularly well, to sit and refocus on Self. I look and look at ME/AWARENESS. The breathtaking beauty of IT is unfathomable. Its strength and boundlessness astounds me. All motion is happening within it. As I ignore the mind’s comment on it, it expands effortlessly. It sends the mind rote (holographic/sensory/feeling pictures) of an ever present sun shining a blasting light, which has merely been covered with illusory belief. Every thought/belief set aside in favor of just staying and bathing in THIS sun’s light shines a non-mind generated feeling/emotion into the body. Love is in love with love.

How to give the world this gift? The clear seeing/experiencing of the Oneness that each one is? The fullness of being home? My unbounded gratefulness to have Fred show me Awakeness, and guide me along the rocky road of helping me re-identify as Self, so far, is beyond any price I could imagine.

Meditation has become a mining tool, a time to sit and focus solely on the Beloved, to be fully in its direct Presence without the interference of the day’s activity. But even more so, it is the opportunity to marinate in Love’s Love so that the glow of Love is present and shining and taken into the day’s activities. Over here, meditation has become the well of nectar that I can’t wait to dip into at each day’s beginning.

“Seek ye first the Kingdom, and ALL shall be given unto you.” Twelve words that are an entire teaching.

Julee Bergstrom is enrolled in The Living Method Continuing Student Program. She lives in the UK.