Hey Fred and Betsy,
Even though time is a construct, when our culture dreams together that everything has changed and we now begin 2020, it makes one a bit reflective, and then full of gratitude.
To me gratitude is welling up like a fountain today in meditation, basically for no reason at all, and in response to my memory of the weekend spent at your place, on your porch! I am an old dog and a dogged seeker, so I have definitely had big darshan with famous holy men, whom I have served for decades, and who blessed me many times with interesting spiritual experiences and awakenings here and there, initiations aplenty, and lots of answers to my driving questions. Gratitude to them all. So it is rather strange that I recall the ordinary weekend on your porch as one of the biggest event s in my life! It’s totally strange!
I can’t remember anything of interest happening then, aside from the sound and sight of the fountain overflowing and an occasional breeze or backyard sound. I was grateful that you had so much to say, and rather surprised how long you tirelessly held forth, yet I can’t really remember much: for once I was not taking notes, physically or mentally. I seemed for some reason incapable. Happy that you kept the surface of the mind busy.
I didn’t even know why I was there, except I had to be. I was not really looking for anything. Luckily there was no kundalini explosion, angels, aliens or strange prodigies of nature. I remember sleeping badly in a rather sketchy and inexpensive motel, chatting with the other participants here and there at meals. I was clearly in an altered state of consciousness, not tired as I should have been, but it was only gently noticeable and nothing special. The fountain kept flowing and overflowing.
As far as the character and the body report there was no transformation either. Everything was the same leaving as it was coming. (To be honest, when for some technical reason I sat directly in front of you at the end to ask a question during the video portion, I did feel a little shaky with a more intense energy. However pleasant and affirming, it did not last, of course.) Returning home I was not a better person in any noticeable way. Ha. (Nor did I intend to be.) I was not more in touch with Emptiness, Nothingness, Fullness, Infinity, or God. Even so, I felt very, very content with the whole inconvenient and expensive trip! Better than the Alps or Indian ashrams. Strange. Satisfied.
What I know somehow was that it was an awesome gathering. An unpretentious weekend with the Big Mystery.
One that totally transcends mind and body and memory. It is embarrassing not to be able to peg it or define it or turn it into a “blessing” or a “gain”. There was no gain, no prize, no accomplishment. Nothing to be proud or disappointed about. Strange. If it happens as an opportunity, I will probably be there again – there will be no choice. But if it never happens, I had enough the first time. I drank fully from the fountain. Strange. I can’t report even being “more clear.” Somehow that was not the point, was it? Nothing to point to and no brownie points of any kind. Yay.
So anyway, thanks again and again for the Mystery. If anything was “prior to consciousness” that was it. Untouchable. Beyond memory. I can’t believe I have any memory at all. The Mystery knows somehow. And it prods me to thank you and Betsy again and again.
The picture again,