Letter from the Field: Intellectual Understanding vs. Direct Experience

This is a letter from my new friend, Jose, who’s a defense attorney.
We had our Awakening Session yesterday afternoon.

Welcome Home, Jose, and thanks for the letter!

Dear Fred,

Because I sense you like to keep tabs on the impact of your work on others, I am reporting some things to you now:

Calling the bluff of purported identity through the inquiry related to birth certificates, drivers’ licenses and passports was not only groundbreaking, but opened up for me further inquiries. Namely, that the same analysis applies to the people reported to be my parents in their birth certificates, and backwards through their ascending lineage, ad perpetuam.  Thin air all the way to the beginning, whenever that was.  Big blow.

This has led to another inquiry.

Did “Jose” begin when he came out of momma? Was that when he was really “born”? What about in uterus? Did he not exists already? And wasn’t he already aware? Of course he was.  And of course, that was not Jose; no one is named while in uterus, right?

What about before? There was life, but it was in the form of sperm and an egg. Awareness was there, too, no doubt (although not recognized by my parental units). They come together, sperm and egg, and….miracle of life without any intervention on my parents’ behalf besides coming together as male and female…And awareness still there, unmoved, unchanged, and in charge.

This view/inquiry you afforded me dealt a big blow for the notion of who I took [myself to] be. The writing has been on the wall all along that I am not the physical “hardware,” rather I am the electricity that animates it. But [it is] one thing to read it on the wall and intellectually agree with it. Quite another thing is to have a direct look at this truth and the ensuing effect.

After our session I can report a significantly marked distance between thoughts, emotions and my real subjectivity that has been there all along. There is lightness, and improved ability not to act based on habit.

I left my office after our call and went to see my mother, whom I normally avoid. She was surprised by my visit. “Did you happen to be in the neighborhood, Jose?” “No, Mom, just came to visit from the office.” Big silence. She could not figure out why I had come. Neither could I, but it is totally irrelevant, isn’t it? That’s not all.

I called my dad from Mom’s house, also a character I don’t see that often.  He was pleased, but beyond wondering why I had called, just glad about it. I just sat there with Mom for a moment without the need to challenge her, bother her, argue with her, and the both of us be a pain in the butt to one another. Cool stuff. No, not cool–rather remarkable.

Got home, had a great rest last night, and woke up not bothered by usual daily stuff. The list of usually bothersome, irritating stuff  is long, Fred, believe me.  But take out Jose, and there is, surprisingly, not one bother. There is a buzz, or current, which I had recognized before, except the volume is much, much louder. Easier to pay attention to it and stay centered. For sure.

It is a start. I feel I am now on the part of the mountain where my boots actually gain traction. Before it felt, for years and years, that I was on the icy part of the mountain, no way to ascend.

I don’t much care where on the mountain I am, for I know now I am actually climbing, and with that comes huge relief, lightness, purpose and cheer.

I understand that now, diving deeper into the mystery, and not being sucked out to the surface by “stuff” is the work (okay, from mountaineering to diving, big change, but you know what I mean, it is clear to me; I love these metaphors).

But the important thing is that I’m not only already in the water so to speak, but I have changed the snorkel for a dive tank and a rather clear mask.

Meet you at the bottom, or at the top depending on your favorite metaphor, friend!!