Letter from the Field: Notes on Formal Meditation
Hi Fred
I’m writing to thank you for our last conversation. The part that hit me most was when I asked about “the familiar feeling” of person-ness, and your reply was “what’s that arising to?” and that “conditioning arises to oneness.” That knocked me a level deeper in self-inquiry. I also appreciated when you described meditation as “taking the time to notice yourself,” the “Paul runs himself,” and that I’m not Paul but “awareness itself.” The ridiculousness of “trying to complete myself when I’m already oneness” keeps showing up.
About my meditation: the process has been feeling much more physical than mental, less mindfulness and more surrendering to energy. I’ve been using my “self-deception scanner” to see if I’m making this up, but I’m not. When I sit, I feel this release in my belly and then this energy rises up the front of my torso. It feels like a big radiant energy ball forms in front of me and my arms spread out like I’m embracing the world. As thoughts arise, I release and surrender to the energy, or more and more, just do nothing and experience this very clear panoramic expanse. All this is quite different than meditation had been and quite different than I expect it to be. It feels like that Great-Big-Plumber-in-the-Sky is blowing my pipes clean! If you have any experience with this sort of thing or have any thoughts, it would of course be appreciated.
You suggested that we should talk again soon. How about Friday Sept. 23 at 11:00 or Friday Sept. 30 at 11:00 or Fri. Oct. 7 at 11:00?
Thanks as always,
Paul
Hey, Paul! Just found this in my spam folder! I’ve marked you as a VIP, and hopefully it won’t happen again. I found two emails from another student as well.
Here’s a pointer: I understand what you’re saying, and it’s just fine, BUT…
I’ve been using my “self-deception scanner” to see if I’m making this up, but I’m not. When I sit, I feel this release in my belly and then this energy rises up the front of my torso. It feels like a big radiant energy ball forms in front of me and my arms spread out like I’m embracing the world. As thoughts arise, I release and surrender to the energy, or more and more, just do nothing and experience this very clear panoramic expanse. All this is quite different than meditation had been and quite different than I expect it to be.
Who is this “I” of which you speak? You refer to this “I” eight times directly, and twice indirectly. Do you know this “I”? Can you find this “I”? The reason that I ask is that it sounds a whole lot like Paul talking. That would also be fine, but given that we’ve already discovered that there’s no Paul…what in the heck are you referring to?
This is what I call a blind pattern. It’s just running, but there’s no one running it. And it’s an endless loop. Thoughts arise, thoughts are believed, and thoughts leave. It’s the believing part that we’re working to see through.
If you’re Oneness, can this ball arise in front of you? Remember the Math of One. 1=1. Is there anything in front of or behind Oneness? Is that possible? That would indicate twoness, would it not? That sort of says that Advaita’s “not-two” is not correct, and in my experience it is correct.
How about that perhaps the ball is arising within and to You? That understanding upholds the Math of One. See how this strikes you.
Oh, and while we’re at it, since there’s no Paul, and meditation is taking place, who/what is it that’s doing the meditation?
I’m running this on ACN as an anonymous “Paul” Letter from the Field”. This has the potential to help many others who are exactly where you are.
All love,
Fred
