Early Enlightenment: The Strangest Path of All Part II (Conclusion)
Here’s a link to a l-o-n-g excerpt from
Peter Dziuban’s new Simply Notice.
Hello, everybody! Welcome! Just a quick catch-up on the last two weeks.
My business adviser, Sharon Dejarlais, was up here from Florida a week or so ago for a couple of days, and after giving the whole idea a really close look, I’ve decided that I simply don’t want to run a big business, which is what training facilitators would entail. I’m enjoying simply being a spiritual teacher, I’m effective at it, and there are yet a lot of ways for me to express myself in this field without growing a large firm. That’s enough for me.
Secondly, let me tell you that I spent this past Monday night addressing the Unity Church in Charleston, SC. We had about a hundred or so show, and I just had a blast. Fredness left the room after about twenty minutes, and IT took over. What followed was ninety minutes of both high humor and deep profundity.
Following the standing ovation, I never got so many hugs in all my life. Come see me sometime; it’s a kick!
Speaking of giving talks, let me tell you that I’m opening myself up a bit, and I’m happy to give talks in areas that are reasonably near Columbia, South Carolina, such as Greenville, Spartanburg, Charlotte, Greensboro, Raleigh-Durham, Augusta, Atlanta, and Savannah, where I can get there in a few hours, stay with a host for the night, and then head back home the following morning.
If you can get a group together–eight or so really interested folks–and you’re in this tri-state area, I’m happy to come pay you and your friends a visit. Please write me for details.
I’ve recorded ten new videos in the last month–two just this week–so give my channel a look if you’re drawn to do so. Most of them are pretty entertaining as well as informative.
And now, Part II of our mega-post. I’ve gotten a lot of mail–and several appointments–from Part I, so I know you’re paying attention, and I’m confident you’ll enjoy the conclusion.
EARLY ENLIGHTENMENT
The Strangest Path of All
PART II
It wasn’t too long afterward when I got this note from Brian. A lot of people would have run. He didn’t. He wanted truth more than he wanted comfort.
Letter 5
Clearing
Hi Fred,
I just sent payment, and if you still have Sunday the 15th open then let’s schedule it for that day. Does 2 or 3pm your time work?
With regard to your email back to me… Let’s just say I think you seriously underestimate your ability to reach people via the medium of letters/emails! Maybe it’s because we know each other, but it really helped a lot. Something about the way you speak… even in email it is better than anything else I’ve come across.
A sincere thank you for putting the time and thought into your response that you clearly did. Also, a sincere thank you for your honesty and willingness to hold nothing back! I love it! No one has ever really called me (or rather, Brian…?) out on things like that, it really made it real for me and helped tremendously.
Anyway, thanks again and looking forward to the 15th.
In the meantime, take care!
Kind Regards,
Brian
We set up a Clarity Session, but it was two or three weeks out, so when I did a video on misidentification (How-to Make Oscillation Worse!) It worked. The next morning I received this letter.
Letter 6
Clearing
Good Morning Fred! I watched the video last night, and it was… what’s the word I’m looking for… perfect!!! hahaha. I was shocked at just how amazingly close to home that hit for me. It addresses exactly where I am right now and I just wanted to say thank you. After I finished watching it, I couldn’t go back my many many books I always read every night. I just couldn’t do it. It was so clear that I am doing exactly what you described. I mean really, I said it already, but I have to comment again on just how perfect that video was. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Lol I remember halfway through it, I decided I had no need for another clarity session or book ever again! gosh dammit, I UNDERSTOOD! hahaha well that was short lived as I’m sure you (we) could have predicted. the clouds are back this morning, but it really helped a lot.
for so long now i’ve been barely getting through the day, struggling with the clouds, and knowing in the back of my mind (well, often the very forefront) that as soon as I get home and go sit in bed and start reading, i’m going to find this elusive enlightenment like i do almost every night. well, at least i will a catch a new glimpse. i’ve been growing tired of that over the past few days and really thinking about “taking it to the street” and seriously exploring or “doing” this in all areas of my life at all times rather than restricting it to my alone time in the bedroom. i want it to be real/lived all the time. and thanks to you, (not just the video, but for the time you’ve taken to sit and talk with me one on one) i am finally starting to consider that a real possibility! it’s amazing, this journey. and i’m very glad i met you on it. who knows how much longer i would have carried on going up and down, in and out, over and around, then back again! well maybe i still will, who knows…
anyway, so you can see a little more clearly now how perfect your video really was for me. not to mention it just captures the experience of the seeker in oscillation so perfectly, so clearly, so succinctly. you have an amazing gift, Fred.
well, I have to get back to work now, but I wanted to write you before the day got too busy… time allowing i would have crafted a MUCH longer email about this! hahahah perhaps lucky for you then 😉
as always, take care Fred, thank you again, and I’ll see you in a couple weeks on skype!
kind regards,
brian
Brian was becoming easier and easier to wake back up. Witness, my friends, that this is progress within a process. It wasn’t long before I got another letter, showing a general brightening, albeit with plenty of clouds around it.
Letter 7
Big-time Clearing
Hey Fred – A little background on what lead up to my question in the subject line…
I’ve given up on books, and have been strictly reading your blog posts… very frequently I might add! That includes the first chapter previews, which I absolutely love. They give a very clear pointing, without the subconscious commitment to finishing a book and expecting to gain something by the end of it, or from its conclusion.
All the while this strictly-blog-reading-no-more-books thing has been going on (for maybe a week or two) I’ve had these nagging questions in the back of my mind — “When am I going to get it? Can reading really deliver it?” They were sincere questions too, not frustrated, fists in the air, woe is me, questions. They had a contemplative depth to them. And your words to me always crept in after asking myself that… You said to me once in an email: “I hear a story. I hear, “Enlightenment will be a sudden, one-time thing, and then, damn it, I’ll be done!”
And then I re-read a post on your blog, “A Finger Pointing at the Moon: Spiritual Experience as Hazard“ that addressed the delivery vehicle being confused for the payload. And it also talked about how we are expecting the fireworks and the bliss, and about how we invent the problem of separation after hearing/seeing/being Truth… and then hold out for the fiction of our deliverance!
It then became crystal clear, and I saw that this is EXACTLY where I am at and what I am doing. So… I took a look around. I thought to myself, okay, I have seen the truth of things in my own direct experience several times with Fred, and yet I’m still looking for that previously found truth. Even though, when I was sitting there on Skye with Fred, I knew how silly searching was since there was only one thing going on, and one can’t help but stare at it every moment of every day, eyes open or closed… So, even though I don’t see it like that right at this moment, I still knew it was true during those Skype sessions… and if that’s the case, it must be true now, which means of course, that searching for it is utterly pointless and downright foolish!
So then I just kind of went… “Ok, I guess that’s that. I guess I’m done”. But then I remembered about all the articles and teachers and blog posts and what not that talk about the journey after awakening, and how it’s a slow gradual process where it integrates into your life and things start to change to reflect this understanding – even if it is continuing to come in cloudy and intermittent for a while.
Benjamin Smythe’s post talked about different stages he went though afterwards, and while not mirroring him exactly, there are some similarities in my own experience. This also helped to clarify and expose some of my hidden expectations about enlightenment.
So I guess where I’m at now is, I see some positive changes slowly happening in my life and am going to patiently let this unfold further and further and just have faith (for lack of a better word) that as things continue, the understanding will become deeper over time and maybe one day be constantly ongoing… Or maybe just go back and forth for the next decade… Who knows!! That would seriously suck though… haha
I used to think that once I “got it” everything would be completely different immediately. I’d never really faced/acknowledged these expectations before, but I though that my problems, anxieties, even my job, would magically change for the better! Again, like you, I had very specific expectations of what this should look like and how that seeing should arrive. Who knows, maybe I still do…
Now I’m thinking maybe that was foolish… Life goes on just like always, but maybe I can approach things more skillfully in life as the understanding reveals itself more and more often in more and more areas of life. The search has slowed down it seems. As if I got it, and now am just nurturing it, letting it mature and grow. I feel cloudy, yet done. My expectations were ruining it … I thought I would know I was done when all of a sudden the following morning of “getting it” – I would wake up and from there on out never feel anxious or depressed again, my relationships would all be perfect, I would have perfect patience in all situations, I would become more social and friendly… etc etc and that all of this would become immediately apparent and I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had DONE IT! What was I thinking!?! What does any of that have to do with knowing the truth of who we are!?
It turns out, it’s NOT a magical event. It is very subtle and can slowly creep into your life. Right now, it seems as if the main thing being noticed is that during times when the mind would be actively seeking, it’s not anymore. It’s replaced with nothing, there’s just an absence of looking for something, trying to figure something out. And it’s SO subtle! The rock in shoe analogy comes to mind… Only over here, for this body mind, there isn’t a remarkable sensation of relief with it. Perhaps because the relief has been experienced in bursts over quite some time, the absence of the stone in the shoe (absence of the seeking) is more subtle.
So, I guess after typing all that, I need to revise my Title Question… I think perhaps more appropriately, it should read “No one is ever done, are they?” Lol because it’s really an ongoing learning and opening, isn’t it?
Brian
PS – I started typing this 2 days ago, but never had a chance to finish it because it’s been a crazy busy week at work. Since I sat down and started writing it a few days ago, things are appearing slightly differently now. There is a pull towards seeking that is resurfacing, but it’s definitely not as strong, and seems to fade out pretty quickly, if not immediately. The clouds are definitely still coming and going. Also, I still notice my “Enlightenment Expectations” surfacing from time to time in response to difficulties in life. I’ll think, “man, once I’m enlightened that won’t be a problem anymore… can’t wait!” haha … THAT one is not always noticed immediately. Those are very subtle. Sometimes I don’t notice I was holding out for expectations until the next day.
Well – much love Fred! Talk to you on Skype in a couple days! (Sunday the 15th at 10am Pacific time)
At this point Brian is beginning to move into both greater clarity and more stability. He’s really waking up. He’s not out of misidentification, but he’s beginning to accept it. When we accept life on life’s terms, life becomes easier–and more cooperative.
I sent Brian a “Good job! Now you’re getting it!” email, and he replied with this, showing yet more progress.
Letter 8
Thank you Fred. For some reason your response made me so happy and content… Even in the midst of a rather crappy day at work.
I shudder to think how long I could have carried on had I not met you, or had you not written, or I not read that particular post several times, at just the right time in life — waiting and waiting and waiting for everything to appear exactly as I “knew” it should, to confirm an “arrival” at an imagined place that I, again, “knew” everything about! I was an expert, god dammit! hahaha You’re comment about the unawakened mind thinking it knows all about awakened beingness was spot on!
Hmmm…. You know, writing that last sentence kind of scares me. It sounds like mind thinks it’s gotten something; and every time I’ve ever thought that, life has always shown me otherwise… without fail. What do you think?
Anyway, all those expectations were detrimental! They really were the mechanism (or a large part of it) behind sustaining the illusion of separation after having a clear seeing. I guess you just don’t see the mechanism in action, until you do!
THIS IS IT. Hiding in plain sight. How can the seeker be the sought and not know it? Let alone not know it for so long? What a brilliant, silly, (downright unbelievably silly, I might add!), thing the spiritual search is. The mind simply says:
“Nope. This is not it. Sorry. Keep looking. Find something more blissful. Find something more oneness-like. Find something that resembles that one spiritual experience you had… then, and only then, I (mind) can declare you got it right”.
It just cannot accept that this is indeed It. The mind says this is so ordinary! How can something so ordinary be It?! hahahaha oh what a silly mind…
I am very much looking forward to this Sunday. Actually, I am very much looking forward to our journey together from here on out. Not that I have expectations of it being different or something, it’s just that I notice I am now looking at our meetings as something fun, rather than something with a clearly defined goal and outcome, which required diligence and attention and most importantly perhaps, or so the mind thought, required effort.
Much Love Indeed!
Brian 🙂
However, don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched. Two weeks later, here came this.
Letter 8
Clouding
Hey Fred! Long time no talk my friend!
It has been an interesting couple of weeks since we last spoke. During this time I have noticed that I’ve been having trouble letting go of being a seeker. I’ve also noticed how easily and willingly the mind is believed when it says “this is not it!”. I wrote the following on the topic:
“It’s so easy to start searching again and believe that you don’t have it. So unbelievably shockingly easy to get “sucked in”, as it were. Even as I write this, there’s a feeling of needing to continue to search. It’s a strong feeling. A very very strong pull, would be a great way to describe it. It’s almost a sense of pride to be in a state of not finding, a state of loss and confusion. There’s a weird sense of actually not wanting to find it, of resisting simply resting in the simple Truth of What Is!
So, back to getting sucked in; part and parcel to that Resistance To Resting, is the pull towards searching and the utter complete willingness to so readily believe the thoughts that just say:
“This is not it, you must find it, because you’ve lost it because there is just no way this is it; it’s supposed to look different, remember? It’s supposed to feel better at the very least, and this feels terrible so you must escape it and find It.”
They are believed with no questions asked. In all this, I see a very strong sense of identity (the pride feeling I mentioned?) wrapped up in being a seeker, in being confused… but on the way to non-confusion; that quest, that struggle, that suffering. It’s almost a desire to suffer, to play the martyr. So again, given that, it’s no wonder thoughts can stick so easily and are followed and believed instead of This, and cause re-identification and suffering.
This is far, far too simple for mind! It has nothing to work with here.
And there are just constant opportunities to stick to one and identify with it and let it suck you in and deceive you. As Jeff foster said (something to this effect):
“That’s what life is, really; suffering bait, or sticking bait“
Perhaps it’s all because you’ll feel lost without them, that you’ll feel meaningless and pointless without the seeking thoughts and story and struggle. Who are you if not a seeker of Truth? No really, what of who you think you are is left if that is gone?“
I’ve been “sucked back in” several times, only to eventually remember that there is nothing other than This to find or discover. Which always leaves me feeling… lost. In uncharted territory without a clearly defined goal or way to get there, for the first time in decades.
So it seems to be a (and I dislike using this word but not sure what else would come close to fitting) process of continually remembering that This is IT, in all situations and contexts in life. This thing that words can never touch or capture, that burns up all concepts upon touching it is IT. So simple, the mind has nothing to work with here but theories and invented ways to describe apparent patterns it chooses to remember over others.
I keep hearing your words in my mind (as usual!) saying that it is now a movement towards clearing, abidance, and embodiment. I see it as a sort of assimilation of the knowledge of our True Self (which comes and goes in cloudiness/clarity still but is no longer a huge deal, even though it still stings when it is cloudy) with everyday life and situations. However I have found that I dislike Adyashanti’s book End of Your World because it feels like it turns it into a class almost. Like a program of sorts. I’ve always thought it should be more organic than that, that simple earnestness and sincerity and grace is all you need. Perhaps that’s just more expectations ruining things!
Do you think that is just my resistance to letting go of the search and the seeker and just simply being? Do you think that reading a book like that is necessary to “progress”, as it were, towards embodiment?
I feel lost, yet again! I know This (clarity of our True Self) is not a tool to apply to thoughts and situations in life, yet I desperately want life to change and I have read countless accounts of this changing lives. You are one of them! I know things won’t become perfect overnight like I always thought, but surely they must slowly progress towards something better, no? I am definitely lacking clarity on this, as I’m sure you can tell!
So do you have any suggestions to help keep me on track? Also, I know this is a stupid seeker question but it’s been bugging me so I must ask… How long does this take!!?? LOL! Hahaha seriously though… I think I remember you saying the process of assimilation or embodiment took 2 years? Have you seen it go faster? Level with me, Fred.. what am I looking at here? What can I expect?
I think I need to book another CS. This stuff is much better suited to live conversation. Only, I worry that by the time we both have an opening in our schedule to meet on Skype, things will have changed too much or any clarity on these subjects will have faded. If you think you can tackle this via email, then the immediacy would be nice, but if you really feel this must be talked about in person, I’ll book a CS ASAP.
Much Love,
Brian
My Response
Hey! Go watch How to Make Oscillation Worse again. If that works for you, great. If it doesn’t, I currently have an opening on October 12.
By the way, it takes as long as it takes. How long do you WANT it to take?? 🙂
All love,
Fred
The next morning I got this high-spirited note from Brian.
Letter 9
Clearing
Okay Fred… that was weird… the content of my email to you was almost all taken from that video you recommended! I’ve watched that video at least 5 times in the past and I didn’t even realize I was doing that when I wrote it. I even attributed a quote you made in there to someone else! LOL! Sorry about that… anyway, that video was exactly what was needed. It was like a huge slice of heaven pie. Thank you, Fred 🙂
Oh, also, I wanted to tell you… I think the most perfect response you could have said to me for the email I wrote would have just been one sentence: “Let go of the bubble, stupid!” hahaha seriously though! I think that’s all you need to ever say to anyone who writes you, as long as they’ve seen that video. Simple as that!
So what’s new with you? Are you able to talk about all the upcoming changes you keep mentioning? You have said that you’e training other people to do DPS so I know that much. Which I think is brilliant. I really believe that reading can only take you so far… you will eventually need someone to keep pointing you back over and over in the unique specific ways each person keeps turning away from This. How’s your new book coming along? Man, last night I had the most perfect testimonial for you in my head (forgot it now) but made me think it would be cool if you started your book out with quotes from clients attesting to what the reader will be in for when reading your book. If I could remember what I wanted to write about you last night that would make a lot more sense…
Anyway… guess it’s time to start my day. I have to pull in one of my employees and either lower his pay or let him go per my biz partner’s request, even though I disagree with it. Very much dislike mornings like this. Well, until next time!
Much Love, Best Regards,
Brian
Do you see how this works for those who experience heavy misidentification? Brilliance and blackness. Brian’s experience is not singular–it happens to many. Some people utilize me to help them clear, others utilize their own teacher, and still others either need little or nothing after an Awakening Session. They are the very, very few.
The core lesson here is to understand that misidentification is not a problem–it’s part of the process, part of Awakeness colonizing the body, which on the relative plane, takes time. Be patient, be easy on yourself, but most importantly, carry on!
Welcome to the process of enlightenment. As the Grateful Dead might tell us, “What a long, strange trip it is!”
Thank you, Brian, for this gift to all of us.
Note on correspondence:
Obviously I can’t carry on this kind of a dialogue on a regular basis, and I don’t. This dialog is very much the exception.
Fred Davis 10.2.13
