Letter from the Field: “I just woke up – what do I do now?”
First of all I would like to thank you for unveiling the last veil. I am 19 years old, and for the last year I have been practicing meditation, with gradual improvpent, in the last 6 months I was doing a daily practice of one hour sitting. started with vipassana, and developed to witness the witness, or to watch the watcher. later started self inquiry with the “who am I question”, and started looking for the source of all (thoughts, sounds and vision etc.. ) in non formal daily practice, especially with words and thoughts, but I couldnt really grasp the source.
Until I wached your video about shifting practice and the boundless field. watching the video, time, space, the world all objects, suffering and the sense of separate self, it all collapsed because I realized it never existed.
After that I sat down and inquiered for a hour and a half, until I permanently stayed as the boundless field, it took me a week to adjust, at the moment of realization the whole world went in to a 2d perspective, yet my vision and all senses remained the same in their content, but the sum of all it is the boundless field that I am. Now every time a thought arises and I look for the source, I find nothing, all there is pure knowing, pure awareness of my self in all things, now vision is just a condenced thought form, sound as well. I remain the the witness of all, awere all the time.
But even after my gradual awaking, experience keeps appearing, my character is still here, even though he changed , I never change, the ever present witness. but this witness is not an object or a thing.
I have a few questions:
It seems I can’t concentrate on any thing, because there is nothing to concentrate on. when I try to concentrate for example on my breathing, I can maintain thought (mental chatter) free state from a couple of minutes up to 20 minutes. But even if a thought arises, I am always present and concentrated. its the same in deep sleep and dreaming.
this is my experince of going to sleep, I close my eyes, vision disappearcies but I still see, I lay down a for a few minutes, sounds disappere, there is nothing no time, no charachter, no nothing, I wake up in the “morning” , for me no time has passed, as I wake up I remeber dreams about the charachter, there are mental images of the places he has been to, usually similiar to this dream, people he talked to, but all I remain is the unchainging witness, the screen wich all is happening on. But It’s never as if I am controling anything, not in this dream nor in any other dream, its always like a movie. If I watch my hand moving, no one moves it, there is the moving, then the though “I am moving my hand”, but really no mover moving anything.
My questions
1. from your personal experience, or from your experience working with clients, is this something you encounter often, this association with the witnesses, even though its just a thought.
2. Do you or some of your clients experience other dreams not just as memory like I do, but as clear images like in this dream?
If so, is it usually the case after awakening, to experience “lucid dreams”?
3. what practice should I continue doing, now when I sit, there is nothing, time passes , I remain the same.
Thank you so much.
-Aviv
Hi, Aviv! Thanks for writing and welcome Home. 🙂
December 26, 2016 @ 6:21 pm
Wow, what an experience! I still “feel” like I am the one moving my hand, but I “know” THAT’s a feeling (btw, I love all things “hand”). It’s a funny feeling, after my experience with Fred, to try to watch the one who knows it’s also a feeling of there BEING a somone who knows this is happening. That’s as far as I go, and I get confused and laugh. I’ve also read about the significance of “confusion”. That confusion, fogginess, etc, maybe even depression, are part (of a character’s experience) of the letting go of the mental identification/direction. It’s a grace and a gift for me to have had that pointed out.
Fred has been an amazing guide for areas like concentration (commitment, what to do, …). Your diligence sounds amazing, and I actually had a tearing up on considering the love it comes from. It would be really interesting to know further of your experiencing – I hope you can make it to satsang.
I read of Atmananda, how the “-ings” of the senses (seeing, hearing, …) are “objects” themselves. That really resonated for me, and cool to read your experience of vision as a condensed thought form.
My night dreams haven’t changed much. But the “happier dream” (as my interpretation goes) started with Fred. Could be said that getting sober, and having ACIM practice and like-minded community, could have been happy. Instead I found out that “happier dreaming” is like floating faster and faster once you start rising in water. The more I recognize I Am dreaming the character, the more happy story I am capable of – that is synchronistic input for releasing more of the dream that I am a character. So Fred was the start of that happy story.
I learned that my story is one of retirement from character control. Forced into it by failure, even by “trying” to surrender! But from a higher perspective, this was the movie I have been watching in my retirement, all along.
The degree to which the character seems to progress, is the degree to which I accept (recognize) I need do nothing.
I love your kitty yin yang!
December 27, 2016 @ 1:23 am
I totally relate to Aviv’s comment about perception taking on an almost 2-dimensional quality–one possible, typically temporary experiential byproduct of awakening. Our “normal” perception is based on the sense of a center (the center being “me” as the body), which provides a reference point for the experience of distance. No reference point, no distance. It’s been said that God is a circle whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere–a pretty darn good description of awakening.
Great that you reached out, Aviv. Welcome to the ride. It continues!
December 27, 2016 @ 9:51 am
Yes, Kenton, I too had the 2D experience many times. That line really struck me, because you don’t hear much about it. It’s kind of like when the police announce that a particular criminal knew details about an unsolved crime that no one else would know. Call it credibility. LOL
December 27, 2016 @ 9:28 pm
Hahahaha! Exactly!
September 1, 2020 @ 11:55 am
Hello Kenton,
Would you be willing to speak with me? My so-called “spiritual” life-work goes back to the late 1970s and probably prior. I have done it all; zen practice, vippassana, counseling (truly the blind leading the blind lol), enquiry and on and on. The whos-who on all this – books, videos etc. I don’t know. Just don’t know. Don’t know if what is experienced is post or pre awakening. No footing. Just travelling. For lack of a better explanation.
I listen to Fred’s podcasts over and over again. Have watched many of his yt videos, also over and over again.
Feeling despiration 24/7
September 1, 2020 @ 11:56 am
Meant this is much like free falling.
September 1, 2020 @ 12:22 pm
Yes, it certainly can feel like that.
September 1, 2020 @ 12:29 pm
Hi, David, it’s Fred. Kenton discovered that teaching was not for him.
I, of course, earn my living working with seekers and finders. Here’s a link to the Meetings page of my website. It might be worth a look.
I’m happy to hear that you’re finding this teaching helpful.
All love,
Fred
January 1, 2017 @ 12:19 am
I too totally relate…thank you for sharing, wonderfully expressed.
January 1, 2017 @ 6:52 pm
I wonder if 3D is just interpretation. Could a point center ever “know” itself – as separate? Trying to identify with the 2 eyes (the body) provides 2 sets of data to “interpret” with. The 2 sets themselves are from “points”. THEN its the inferred center point, putting those 2 sets into an interpretation that “makes up” distance. And it’s Real Me that conjures up the “whole” thing in the first place, the wizard not-behind the point-perceiver. Interesting question: how can sleeping dreams be in 3D? Motion itself is an even more primary “evidence” of 3d (blind people probably have a concept of distance!). But the waking data itself is recreated anyway into the 3d experience of a perceiver and its scenery (or is it vice-versa; or both/and!). A “2d” or static picture wouldn’t make for a “continuous” perceiver. The “movie” of frame after frame is also required (time). Even the 2 eyes and an inferred center aren’t enough to make for an interesting observer experience! (2 “frames” in time are the analog of 2 eyes in space)
Dreaming … Mike
January 1, 2017 @ 9:22 pm
All this philosophizing makes me dizzy. 🙂