PRIME POST! What’s Taking All This Action–Ego or Awakeness?
One of the questions I get regularly, and which I consistently ask of myself is “What’s really going on here? Who’s doing this or that–little me or Big I? This question seems to make sense, and on one level it does. I try to watch out for egoic action on the part of Fredness that seems to be chiefly for the advancement of Fredness–and I never have to wait long.
Yessiree, there is still egoic movement taking place through the unit that’s typing this article. I know it’s a so-called spiritual teacher, and it’s supposed to be a bona fide awake being, but that doesn’t make it an exception to ordinary human pitfalls. In fact, it may even make it more prone to error. Let’s not fool ourselves: I can see it, you can see it, a blind man on Mars can see it, so why deny it? Yet the actions I’m referring to, and which we’ll go into a little later, are not entirely egoic–I would go so far as to say they are not even primarily egoic, so let’s withhold judgement until we’ve done a bit of investigation.
What I’m specifically talking about here is that I have been regularly hammered about the self-promoting nature of this character ever since it left my living room three and a half years ago in an attempt to get this counter-intuitive, radical teaching out of my house and into the world.
And you know what? On one level it’s justified criticism. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I have indeed promoted this teaching–and thus the character who appears to be behind it–at every opportunity. I never met a microphone I didn’t like or a connected individual with whom I wouldn’t do a little schmoozing. This behavior may appear unenlightened, it may be lame, or even disgusting to some. It may be something we should all try to avoid. But you know what else? It’s been really, really effective.
In the summer of 2011 I was, in the parlance we tend to use, an “awake guy” sitting in my living room with a strong pull to do something, but I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I’d always been a good writer, but there was no way I was going to sit down and write a book on spec in the hope that it might miraculously find a publisher. I’d been around the publishing field too long–I knew the odds, and I simply was not willing to play. Nor was I clear on what it was that I specifically wanted to share. At that time, I didn’t really have anything new to offer–The Living Teaching didn’t yet exist, and there were plenty of good nondual books already on the market, so why simply put out another me-and-my-awakening title?
When I started the original Awakening Clarity blog, I was very excited. I’m an enthusiastic guy anyway, and a project like this was enough to push me right up the scale from my normal level of eight all the way to ten and a half.
There was only one problem. Other than Betsy, I was the only person in the world who knew I had a new, nondual-oriented website. And we were the only two who cared. I could see no point in having a blog without an audience, so I started promoting, and promoting, and promoting–and I have yet to stop. I do it, but I do it because it works, not because I’m actually keen on it. I honestly hope there will come a time when I can stop promoting and rest from all of that stuff, but it ain’t that time just yet.
Has there been any ego tied up in promoting this teaching and thinking–at one time, not now–about saving the world? Of course! Is there still? Of course! It looks to me like it’s unavoidable until it isn’t. Does it really matter? Everyone has their own opinion on this, but I don’t think so.
As much as my inner promoter would love to think so, none of this is about Fred. Do you know how I know that? Because there is no Fred. That makes it pretty clear, don’t you think? Does it sometimes feel like it’s about Fred and not just the august teaching? Sure. It feels that way to both of us.
Do you think I don’t know how ham-handed I can be at times? I know. I squirm in my chair, I think about some of the hail that’s sure to fall on me, and then I press Publish anyway. It’s what this unit does. For all I know, it’s one of the reasons this teaching landed here. It sure wasn’t my spotless karma, I promise you that. So, if being thought to be a totally arrogant, egoic, selfish, unenlightened, money-hungry, publicity-pumping fool by some people is what it takes to get out the message that liberation is available right here, right now–for you, then I’m game.
Only the character would be keen about protecting itself from any of that. Awakeness couldn”t care less.
Ultimately, as I’ve already stated, there’s no Fred here. The lights are on, but no one is home. It is only Awakeness that can be acting, because there is only Awakeness to act. If folks want to roast their Fredness projection, that’s just fine. My projection sometimes cringes, so we’re even. But Awakeness is all about efficiency and this sometimes quite uncomfortable-for-Fredness way of getting the job done is nonetheless getting the job done.
Lots and lots of people who don’t know me don’t like me. Cool! That’s a sort of left-handed achievement, but it’s still an achievement! It’s not an achievement for anybody, but it’s still an achievement. I put my back to the wall, take on all comers, and say, “Send me money, I’ll wake you up!”
Lots of people don’t think I can do what I can do. So what? There are plenty enough who do think so to keep me busy for the foreseeable future. And there are tons of people who know I’m telling the truth. The proof’s in the pudding, folks, and there’s a lot of pudding out there–on six different continents.
On a lighter note, lots and lots of people who don’t know me love me. Even cooler! Nowadays I get gratitude mail every single day from people all over the place thanking me for changing their lives with articles, books, and “look-at-me, look-at-me” wise-silly videos. That wasn’t happening three and a half years ago, I can tell you that. And it wouldn’t be happening now, had Awakeness not been willing to sacrifice this character’s “nondual cool” to the cause. I no longer belong to the Long-Faced, Serious-Talking Teacher’s Club. Durn.
It’s not just a small price to pay; in the end, it’s no price at all, because the character is 100% fictional anyway!
Let me lay this out for us. So far, hundreds of people have gotten to wake up–and many of them had tried a whole lot of other ways to do so. This works. If I don’t die anytime soon that number will easily climb into the thousands–and who knows, this teaching might carry on long after I die–I hope so. I’m working with several people right now who could end up being splendid teachers.
Conversely, one unreal character of no consequence–Fredness–has to occasionally writhe in embarrassment at his own egoic actions. My friends have to lower their eyes and whisper to each other, “For God’s sake, he’s done it again–when is he going to learn?” My “enemies” have a new joke to share at the online water cooler at my expense. Okay!
It seems like a fair trade to me–but what do I know? After all, this Fredness is just a meta-pattern that appears to be the senior partner, but in fact is not riding herd on the vast collection of smaller patterns whirling underneath it. One has to assume that it must be a fair trade for Awakeness, given that it’s calling all the shots anyway. It’s what’s happening; I’m pretty sure that’s a mystical thumb’s up.
I know that even though it makes no sense, and is entirely paradoxical, that it’s somehow nonetheless critical for the Fred-who-doesn’t-exist to cooperate with the inevitable-that-is. So you know what? I’m on board. Have at it, Awakeness. Spare me nothing that Truth requires. You’re not going to anyway, but I’m “allowing” it. And thanks for all the rotten stuff that’s helped me wake up, too. I wouldn’t be here without it, even though it sucked out loud.
All love,
Fredness
2.11.15
PS: On the advice of a client-friend who’s been here, I have posted a photo of my residence on the “About Fred” page. 🙂
February 12, 2015 @ 3:01 am
Inspired by a Sufi proverb:
Does a drowning man care if the hand that reaches out for him is calloused and dirty and not white, soft and fragrant?
Lighthouses are built where they can be seen and with the strongest lightbulb available.
Inspired by Beyond Recovery:
Strawberry fields forever!
February 12, 2015 @ 8:31 am
Hey, Robbin! Thanks! I’m doing the best I can until I can do better. We all are. 🙂
February 12, 2015 @ 3:55 am
Yea for Fredness – you rapscallion you! If not for the self promoting I never would have found you and never woken up. And the non-dual world needs all types. A sponsee of mine is a Robert Adams devotee and Robert never promoted and never had more than a sprinkling of students. (and my sponsee did not approve of Fred — well his loss.)
I’m much more interested in the world waking out of the dream of separate little selves all kicking and screaming — than in whether Eckhart or Fred makes a few bucks. But I will sniff around the edges to see if the character smells of egoic greed. As an AA guy I come from a suspicion of money grabbing — but I think spiritual teachers deserve as good or even a better living than a psychologist or football player. And I long ago, decided that all spiritual teachers have some remaining ego swirling around the edges. See you soon, Carter
February 12, 2015 @ 8:39 am
Thanks, Carter! Your first line says it all. I look forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks.
A couple of years ago a client of mine told me the tale of how he found out about me. He was in Australia visiting Sailor Bob when he bumped into a guy from Germany. They got to talking, and the German guy said, “Where did you say you were from?”
The American told him, “South Carolina.” He lived a hundred miles away from me, but had never heard of me.
The German guy, who was apparently something of an Internet hound, said, “You know there’s a guy in South Carolina…”
I helped not only my client, but his wife, his daughter, and a long string of friends wake up one after the other. This only happened because I came out of my living room with, as they say in recovery, “complete abandon.”
By the way, for those of you who’re interested, I’ve followed up on a client who’s been here’s suggestion, and posted a photo of my residence on the About Fred page.:-)
February 12, 2015 @ 12:12 pm
Fred, I have been going through all of this myself. Can anybody who is Awake NOT be going through it?I have started blogging, but have`nt started promoting YET. But I will start. And looking at Cherylness behaviors (usually while they are happening), wondering at the sheer ridiculousness of them……well it can be quite vexing at times. To say the least. I mean the “Cheryl train” is still running down the tracks…it`s just that the conductor is awake & at the controls now. Which means the breaks might be applied from time to time, but the train ain`t stopping yet!! No one will ever hear a message that hasn`t been made loud enough for others (even DEAF others) to hear!! I would have never found you without you having promoted yourself in some way I`m sure..and I`m sure glad I found you!!
February 12, 2015 @ 1:40 pm
Hey, Cheryl! I’m glad to hear that you’re blogging–just sharing that much is the beginning of promotion! Send me a link to your site and I’ll put you on my list. This is really about an internal struggle that “I’ve had with myself.” Fredness is it’s own worst critic, because that criticizing keeps Fredness wound up and alive. What I can do is OWN that ego, bring it out into the public eye instead of hiding it, or denying it. It’s the best deflater I know. 🙂 Peace and luck.
February 12, 2015 @ 2:31 pm
Fred, I recently read some of your stuff and have watched some of your videos and I must admit you make me laugh in a good way. Thanks so much. Jeff
February 12, 2015 @ 2:32 pm
Thanks, Jeff! Keep hangin’ around!
February 13, 2015 @ 11:35 am
To me it seems absurd that this is even considered an issue in your case. Your intention is to teach others and support yourself, and obviously, you need to put yourself out there for these purposes. These are both worthy goals, which benefit all parties concerned.
A spiritual teacher’s actions in this regard would only be “egoic” if the teacher was incompetent or insincere, and was interested only in amassing excessive amounts of money.
You go above and beyond in your efforts to teach and enlighten, and while I truly hope you are comfortably supported, or soon will be, I doubt you are amassing a fortune.
It seems unlikely to me that anyone would pursue such a calling with the aim of self aggrandizement or the hope of becoming wealthy. In those cases where spiritual teachers become famous, then opportunities and temptations of power and wealth may arise. The vast majority resist, a few succumb.
We’ll keep an eye on you when that time comes! But at this present arising, all this is really a hypothetical non-issue.
Keep doing what you do! The world needs love!
February 13, 2015 @ 6:23 pm
Thanks, Kathleen! Coming from a regular client, this is especially nice to hear.
You keep an eye on that money-grubbing and let me know if I go wrong! https://awakeningclaritynow.com/about-fred/
Love,
Fred
February 15, 2015 @ 6:41 pm
Hi Fred,
It’s been a while. Wanted to let you know how much I value your posts. Please continue! What prompted me to write today is a little unusual. It started out with a morning meditation that was stellar, until…(for me there seems to always be an ‘until’) a little thought bubbled up out of my perfectly still pond! The mind always seems to find new ways of being seductive, the harlot! Anyway, this bubble kept rising and expanding into a poem of sorts (my apologies to real poetry!). Finally, I gave in and wrote it down, completely composed in the tail end of my “meditation”. I send it along hoping that you will find a few lines amusing.
Satori Lounge
So a buddhist monk
and a frog
walk into this bar.
The bartender looks up at the frog
and says “We don’t serve his type in here.”
The frog says,
“Come on, Fred, he’s one of us!”
With that,
the bartender,
the frog,
the buddhist monk,
and all the patrons
burst into a chorus of croaking
like it was a June full moon
around the lily pond.
Here’s where I was supposed to wake up.
But I didn’t!
I didn’t.
The bartender comes over to my booth,
“Why the long face?”
“Don’t go there, Fred!
I can’t take anymore ‘crazy’.”
“Okay, okay, Bud. What’ll it be?”
“I need to wake up…and snap it up, will ya!”
Over his shoulder he asks,
“On the rocks or straight up?”
“I don’t care! …just make it permanent!!”
The patrons start softly croaking again.
I lift my glass off the coaster
and raise it in salute to the establishment,
“I hope this is the good stuff”
and guzzle it down.
My eyes roll back
I shutter twice
and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
And that’s how I woke up
…honest to god!
Take care, dharma friend!
Dave Kuhlmann
February 16, 2015 @ 10:56 am
LOL! Thanks for this, Dave!
Group Note: The secret to staying awake permanently is to have your highest intention be being awake right now!
February 16, 2015 @ 8:48 am
Love you, Fred … and your “non-dual cool,” which has sparked, prodded and inspired such joy
in this g-ness!
Not belonging to the “Long-Faced, Serious-Talking Teacher’s Club” is what attracted me to you, and, most of all, opened me up to being human, really human. Ready to set sail into uncharted waters, free to ride the waves and even get shipped wrecked, is what you’ve invited here. This perfection has inspired a question … So now that you’re awake, wanna be human?
All my love, georgette
February 16, 2015 @ 10:59 am
Hey, G! It’s great to hear from you! I hope all is well in Asheville–it’s all good down here.
I love your questions: “So now that you’re awake, wanna be human?” This is what is missed over and over and over again. Why take the train halfway to heaven????????
Love,
Fred