The Other Shoe Drops: Awakeness Sends Us a Letter Through the Wesley Unit and Fredness Comments on It
Awakeness woke up through the Wesley Morton unit earlier this week. If you haven’t already seen it, here’s a video of It just a few minutes after that event. It was glorious to behold and bask in. The Glow of Awakening
The next day, the iron filings that are Wesleyness came back as if an electromagnet had pulled them. The Understanding remained, but the unit conditioning did, too. Basically, that’s what happens in post-awakening, whether it’s after 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, or …
A few years back I had a successful Awakening Session with a former Zen monk who had experienced Conscious Awakeness for a full five years before the other shoe dropped. He then spent 12 years lost in his mind. It isn’t pretty when conditioning reclaims its territory, and it’s going to happen. I can’t say every time, but I’ve had countless people wake up with me, and sooner or later (usually sooner!), it happens.
I also regularly talk to people who woke up independently and came to me only after they’d awakened – and found the other shoe either in the process of dropping, or already dropped. Why call me? A lack of clarity. I have a very clear, unpopular video that talks about this. Few watch it, because they want to maintain the lie that they’re the special one that it isn’t going to happen to. Watch it if you dare. Wakefulness vs. Clarity
I told myself that lie in pre-awakening and found out a few days after awakening that I was NOT the exception. However, I was in fact just another arrogant, disillusioned seeker-finder-loser-seeker-finder-loser like everybody else. Damn. It just feels wrong, does it not?
I remained in oscillation for three full years, until I reached out and began talking to nondual teachers.
Wesley’s letter is really beautiful. I notice he’s a pretty durn good writer and that he is incredibly, brutally honest. Wesleyness is willing/able to tell Itself the truth. It was a fight for a while, and then, finally, Awakeness surrendered to relativity. You can take what It says here to the bank. All of it.
In fact, it reminds me a lot of the way Conscious Awakeness showed up here thirteen years ago (this month!). A whole lot like it. Yes, there’s some confusion here (which is essentially universal), but underlying it is the fresh appearance of a diamond-like Understanding.
I left Wesley’s letter alone, with the exception of two or three typos that were screaming at me. I didn’t want to screw it up. Otherwise, this is fresh from the mouth of Awakeness-as-a-unit. Welcome to post-awakening, everybody! The vital takeaway here is that awakening is not graduation, but commencement.
I’m importing a couple of more very recent video links here to tempt anyone who hasn’t seen them yet. If you’re reading this, then they are certainly worth your time. But whatever else you do, read Wesley’s experience that is detailed below.
On Sat, Sep 7, 2019 at 5:49 PM Wesley Morton <@gmail.com> wrote:
After the session “I” walked out into the sun and drifted through the street playful and light; “rebirth” is the term that comes to mind. Many fantastic experiences that day for the body/mind. Just easy, timeless, free; surrounded and enveloped in the warm, safe glow of presence. Ran through the golf course in the evening for the pure joy of running. It has been weeks now since the body ran and years (decades??) since it ran without an agenda. No arriving, no destination, nothing anywhere just running and the body’s love of movement. There is nothing and nobody here, anywhere…ahh that just feels nice to write that. Cartwheels. Spontaneous laughter, shirtless, dogs excitedly run to the unit, now petting, ahhh, sweet life. A thought occurs, “Eating just happens; running just happens.” No distance, no abstraction, just this, here, now, clear.
Someone looking on says, bemused, “Well, look at this dog whisperer.” Everything is awake. No thinking happening, anxiety is minimal. This body/mind (“unit” in Fred’s language) has been ignored, abused, discounted for so long. Suffered such confusion and pain. It is finally sensing a moment to come back to life. Like a sweet child long frightened into hiding finally coming out to play.
It feels like the only task that remains is relative and is something like healing and learning to enjoy life. What feels supportive and right for this little Wesley unit. To discover what this body/mind actually enjoys/prefers. To stop the abuse of constant outward search and coercion into unpleasant doing. There is nothing to achieve, nowhere to go. Just be a good caretaker for experience. How simple really, how practical. A little bit of exercise, some food, a little money, right now a lot of therapy, a Fred or Gangaji video…
The following day the anxiety returns with a vengeance. Surprising thing that. Nightmare horror show anxiety. Totally disabling. And yet, blessedly, there is no problem. The anxiety is there and boy is it ferocious. It just belongs to nobody. It is the physiological/psychological response to causes and conditions; to a lifetime of hurts lived in a 33-year-old unit. Just like a plant grown in depleted soil conditions will bear the marks of its environment, so too this unit.
The mental health struggles–strong anxiety, intense frequent panic attacks, heavy depression, depersonalization/derealization–are also a response to a major trauma this dear sweet body/mind experienced 3 weeks ago.
The details of the experience are too much to write and to be honest, feel frightening and overwhelming even now to bring to mind, so I won’t do that. The recovery has been horrific. Just truly awful.
Yet I feel it is important to share this. I want people to know it doesn’t matter to awakening how broken the body/mind are. Or at least it didn’t here. If you are reading this and feel too compromised, broken-hearted, wretched, damaged, or lost to wake up, don’t believe it. Who you are is not compromised. Awakening is not tainted or damaged or broken. And the good news, the fantastic news, is awakeness is who you are.
Another thing about this suffering, hellish as it has been, I never would have arrived here to this teaching and come home to this great unknown if not for it. Amazing grace. Fierce, amazing grace.
Waking up did not resolve the negative conditioning. I can report it is not eternal sunshine. It is nothing like the mind imagines. What is revealed is there is nobody here–no Wesley self. No self, no guilt or problem. Who could be guilty? Who could have a problem?
Ego is still intact. Wesley wakeness video on YouTube!! Oh boy that is an ego feeding frenzy. “Now I have really achieved something.” “Let the teaching begin!” “How many views?” “Comments?” “Thumbs ups?” “How does this view count compare to others?” “How will I act in satsang to demonstrate this enlightenment? Better rehearse!” And, then, “Oh no, see, the ego still in tact. Must have lost the experience?? What if I can’t talk? What if I lost it? What if I say the wrong thing? Sense I am a phony? Oh, how dreadful…can’t let the others see that and disappoint Fred.” Ego/conditioning doesn’t die through awakening, again the difference is, who can that belong to?
I have always wanted to have a hit YouTube video. Did it have to come on the day of THAT haircut??? And, wow, that is one ugly cry! Haha, the old inner judge…lol.
Some sayings spontaneously register, “Before enlightenment (whatever that is!) chop wood, carry water. After, chop wood, carry water.” Nothing has changed. There is nothing special about this. And believe me, that is a huge relief. It means life can be lived with greater clarity, more energy, more intelligence. No more burden of apparent seeker lost in an unending search.
This unit is still going to therapy, still surfing the mental health struggles, still making oatmeal, still pulling weeds. There is just no-thing here, that’s all. And what is here is not known. It is un-known. That is it’s very essence, the unknowningness, which is no essence at all. Who writes these words?