Peace Be unto You by Mike Zerbel

Today I let that which follows, follow, having noticed the suffering that comes from imagining that the “I” leads, decides and is responsible. A Course in Miracles teaches, “I will step back and let Him lead the way,” and “I merely follow, for I would not lead.” These resonate more deeply now than when I first read them as they are seen as statements of what is, not lessons to learn. But I had to first experience the illusion of being the doer, the learner, and then see that I was never these things.

I struggle with a sense of wrongness, whether of doing, thinking or feeling. Discovering I Am awake was a lifesaver, interrupting the negative reinforcement of judgment “proving” that something was wrong. I was unable to see that there is no “I” who can mete out judgment, and then judge itself for judging. Now I know that whatever is happening, including the still persistent sense of wrongness, no longer implicates me. In fact, the sense of wrongness, at its core, is the false belief that I am responsible for it.

I can still find myself in Chinese finger-cuffs, but it makes a big difference knowing not to pull at them. That’s the first step. But then anticipating whether I’ll remember to remove my fingers from the cuffs after relaxing is another subtle form of resistance – which I must not resist. Don’t struggle, but don’t struggle not to struggle either. There is nowhere to go; I cannot outmaneuver myself, nor circumvent the sometimes unpleasant learning process. The “I” falsely believing that it must go through this door to freedom is the very closing of the door.

So there is no second step. The “I” may perceive subsequent steps, but as soon as it grasps onto the “I”mportance of these steps, then it falls back down to step one, i.e., surrender of the “I”, until it understands that this is the only truly important step. In Alcoholics Anonymous, they say that Step One – surrender to the fact of your alcoholism – is the only step that need be done perfectly. I understand that better now. I need only surrender to the fact that there is no me, and the rest will follow.

Fred sometimes advises us to “follow the body” in making decisions. My mind couldn’t get around that, so of course I knew there was something to it. I’ve recently had a quiet, but wonderful understanding of that. The tongue lying flat in the mouth is its relaxed position, and can be used in meditation, like closing the eyes, following the breath, etc. It both reflects and signals the relaxation of the brain. I’ve long been aware that I am a jaw clencher, and that this is a way of controlling feelings. Along with that, my tongue is frequently turned and pulled back. But as soon as I notice my tied-up tongue, it seems to relax. I’m not deciding to relax it. Rather, I seem to be noticing what has already been decided. Following in this manner feels natural, while the “I” imagining itself in control felt all tied up!

The noticing, recognizing of this is such a blessing. Believing I needed to untie my own tongue would only make me crazy. But so often we are in that dreaming, the delusion that we are body-centered entities. Simply noticing my body informs me that I am not in it. And in getting off the hook of being me, I notice the body and mind relaxing deeply.

This is all a way of saying, “Peace be unto you.” Let that which follows, be (partake of) the peace that I Am.

Mike Zerbel is enrolled in The Living Method Continuing Student Program. He lives in Florida.