Report from a Thinning Character by Julee Bergstrom
Julee posted this article in the private forum chiefly reserved for members of the Continuing Student Program. I liked it so much that I wanted it to have a broader audience.
I noticed recently that I no longer had any internal feedback going on about feeling ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Wonderful or uncomfortable. There is just a pervasive, “I’m okay! and this is lovely!” feeling. Not a loud one, just there under the surface. It keeps bubbling up notwithstanding frustrations and ongoing ups and downs.
Speaking to Fred about it, it makes perfect sense. Somehow, it has sunk in to sufficient degree that I am not defined by thought or feeling, so it no longer matters what I’m feeling. No feeling has MEANING any more. Wow.
I used to start looking for a person who could help me with uncomfortable feeling states the second they showed up. I was full of questions. WHY!? Whats the meaning of this!? “Juleeness” will do that to one. Personhood seems to require meaning and importance. Oddly, when that disappears, like so much that’s paradoxical about this experience, true meaning shows up. Seeking dissipates and settling into the wonder of experiencing, moment to moment, takes life to a new level.
Being ‘spiritual’ also no longer makes sense. This is how it is. What’s spiritual about that? I was just looking in the wrong direction all along, and to be shifted around to see how it is is just practical and logical. Spiritual?
Also, the implication of ‘no Julee’ is impersonal experiencing. The deeper I go into this implication of ‘no Julee’, the more interesting and wonderful life becomes. Its never personal! Even when the person is looking at you and yelling – it‘s still not personal. Which is not to say I’m 100% immune to these types of situations, by far. I can see/sense, however, that to show up in all scenarios as curious experiencing opens life up to new vistas. Response may not take the route it might have when words like ‘consciences’/caring/
At work, as well as at home, Oneness is having a wonderful time in the dance of beauty being created by the interaction with Oneness. There is only ONEness going on. The solutions/interactions arising from Oneness’s experiencing itself through this avatar and other avatars (human and beast) is a joy to behold. Creations, form and formless, created by the engagement of Oneness with itself.
Pushing against problems, being frustrated by them, has me usually sitting and pondering for hours. How to solve this!? Frustration that the picture is not shifting or changing. What can I do to change this? To make it go away? To find a solution that creates elegant behaviors. To stop bugging me with a puzzle that seems endlessly frustrating as somehow I can’t solve it. Victimized by it! WHO is the victim??
To turn away and rather spend time focusing on the ONE changes the dynamic completely. One returns to the perspective of wholeness. A perspective that says nothing is wrong. Can’t be! So you want to solve a puzzle? Sure! Why not! So PLAY! Turn it around and inside out. Kick it. Bite it. Throw it in the air. Discuss it. Ask if it’s necessary at all? What’s the point of it? Find another’s perspective. Instead of pushing, try pulling or going in instead of out. Then stop and listen. Leave it alone. Intend to SEE it for what it is.
ONEness delivers. Every time.
Julee Bergstrom is a member of the Continuing Students Program. She lives in England.
